Parenthood has allowed me to watch the full process of birth to baby to little person. My oldest child is only almost 3…but even in these few short years, it has been pretty amazing to watch him and his little sister grow up. All those firsts and discoveries. I love seeing liberation at its best!
Watching my yoga students grow is another story. A story of revolution, of releasing fear and of finding yourself. We already had our baby firsts, but even though my students are all grown up now, they still have plenty of firsts. Yoga has given them full permission for experiencing new firsts.
Through my yoga studies and the power of Sankalpa, which I wrote about last week, I have managed to address major physical health changes in diet, weight-loss, (almost 40 pounds this year!), release attachments of fears and powerlessness, and begin to find my way out of what felt like a two year emotional hole in my soul.
I now encourage myself the same way I encourage my students, and have watched myself grow back into me again. Ahhh growing pains. But those growing pains are what I needed to get me here, so of course it is all worth it.
So now in the heat of an exhausting bit of the relationship in my life, I am forced to face releasing resentment and the past. I am so attached to these feelings as they are what I know and have known for the last few years in this relationship, but also how I was raised to feel.
Ask anyone in my family how they are feeling and boy you will get a several minute discussion and play by play on how this guy cut them off on the highway… yikes.
What was the end result? You just RELIVED THE WHOLE DAMN THING OVER AGAIN!
Why do we want to feel that pain over and over again! I don’t, so something has got to give.
This is a new practice to me, because releasing resentment is releasing to the CORE. I will have to face all those angry tentacles wrapped around me and finally decide to cut them off. This is a huge step in my spiritual development. A true tribal connection that no longer serves me, and saying bye bye to it.
How will I do it? Good question…
Maybe meditation, maybe more yoga practice, maybe reading or journaling, but above all, just living mindfully. Being aware when that serpent slinks up my spine and anger is spinning me a web of dis-reason.
All I can say is, I will find my way. I know I will, and this is just another challenge I am willing to take on.
A “Letting Go” Exercise
Take a few breaths into your heart with your eyes closed. Ask your heart to tell you what you are always reliving from the past that no longer serves you, and see if you can let it go by relaxing into the heart. Feel the tension melt away.
Journaling is as effective, or saying in your mind, “I am releasing my thoughts attached to ______________”