Most of the time when we talk with people, it is about work, family, and relationships… our worry’s, fears, and plans usually have to do with this. This year, I feel like I had to really make a lot of adult decisions…sounds weird just turning 35, but I mean very non-yogic like decisions… money stuff, business stuff, relationship stuff… the yoga is always there in the background on how you manage it, but I felt like I couldn’t quite get a hang of my place in the world.
I would see people once loved posting hurtful things on social media about me, hear about through the grapevine of the he said she said, feel that loss of tribe with a circle that I was once close with. It has been a BIG processing year for me. How to process my pain, past, hurt, anger, resentment and fear.
As a very sacred time approaches, a time where the veil thins and our shadows come to play, I feel this sort of heaviness ready to release. I am ready to venture within but also back out again, let the world see me, a smarter, and wiser, more compassionate me. I am truly ready to turn the page, and NEVER look back.
I am cool with forgiveness, it feels good, and is the source I believe of my whole yoga practice and life practice. It does not mean I have to act like a fool though… acting like a martyr, bitching up a storm, proving I am right or proven I am wrong or anything like that. It doesn’t mean taking people back that caused me grief and pain either.
Forgiveness is a settlement of the heart, a release of loss in the ego, and the right to move on and accept. I am ready for all of that and excited. What a better time than now?
Each day I examine my leftover hurt feelings and say what can I do without? Believe me I would love to put it out there how awful people can be, it is right now still very natural for me to want to do that, add to the drama of the world, create uncomfortable situations for everyone else over my pain, really try to get people to bend my way…but such is not the way of the peaceful warrior.
I am here to learn, to listen, and to find this place of undoing. When there is self-love and love without attachment that is the ultimate power of self. I can let go of all that to move on and really live…I can’t wait for that. I am excited for it. It took a long time to create this foundation, and I am ready for it. I am also ready to stop wasting my damn time worrying about it and what other people think, let them make their own minds up about me, what they decide can no longer harm me unless give it permission to.
So there you have it, for all those who danced a dance of anger, betrayal and deceit to me this year, I say “I FORGIVE YOU”. I am ready to move on, even if you aren’t, I won’t take it personal, I will not make assumptions, and I will not absorb it, it is yours, own it. I hope you don’t take it personal when I choose to go on my own all the way.
For all of you suffering for similar events, I give you and myself full permission to TAKE YOUR POWER BACK! Good luck!
Ritual for Turning the PAGE
You will need a glue stick, journal, pen, fresh candle (white or green) and some quiet space after sunset
- Gather some fall leaves that you can write on
- Write on them what you wish to release in just simple one word adjectives or names
- Sit down comfortably inside or out
- Start with your breath and simple stretching for a few mins, silence is most powerful for this time so try no music
- Turn off all the lights and sit in the dark for several moments in silence
- Notice all the sounds around you and your breath for 5 mins
- Take several breaths in the nose and out the mouth
- Set your dedication for self-healing or inquiry, ask what is it I need to heal or what is it I need to learn/know?
- When you are ready light your candle
- Stare at the flame until you are ready to write
- Begin to free write what you need to release and what you need to draw in, what you need to do to turn the page for good.
- When you are done, extinguish the candle and go for a walk and let your leaves go into the wind come home and take a bath or eat some warm soup or sip cider…
- Wake up the next day refreshed and stay true to your word to yourself