A note from Jennifer:
When I met Kira, she was taking my morning yoga classes, and I thought she was bright, sweet and really excited about yoga. She had good questions and was curious about what she could do beyond medical intervention for increasing her chances of pregnancy. I told her about the many successes I had with female clients through my Inner Wisdom Sessions. She accepted and set up a session with me. It was in a session that I told her to call her baby in. Fertility & Yoga for Fertility is so much about creating a space for our babies in our physical bodies, our minds and our emotions. During that time, she enrolled to do the Inner Wisdom training, and became pregnant during her training. It was a remarkable time to see the liberation and stress lifted off her shoulders. Here is Kira’s story, I hope you will pass this along to anyone you might know that can benefit from her story and fertility yoga practice.
“When are you going to have a baby?”
I used to dread that question. How I would react was entirely based on where I was emotionally that day. I may have gotten enraged. I may have crumbled into tears or I may have gotten on my soapbox and given that person a dissertation on why that question is so hurtful to ask someone that is struggling with infertility.
This journey with infertility has been an emotional roller coaster.
It has been both physically and emotionally the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my entire 33 years. It also changed my life forever and not for the reasons you are thinking.
My journey started in 2012. I got married in July. I had gone off of the pill a few months prior to our wedding. Being 29, almost 30, Justin and I wanted to start a family fairly quickly. We came home from our honeymoon and I got my period. There was definitely a little twinge of sadness but I told myself that we would full on try next month and it would happen soon. I just knew it.
Well, next month came and went, then the next and the next and the next. Soon it had been half a year and the process was starting to affect me. I kept our struggle to myself mostly. When people would ask “When are you going to have a baby?” I would usually lie and say we weren’t ready yet or we wanted to enjoy each other as husband and wife for a little while.
I had a really good script when people asked me, but inside I would fall to pieces.
At the beginning of 2013 I told myself that I was starting the year fresh with no baggage from the past 6 months. I was going to lighten my stress, take care of my body and mind. I had read so much about yoga and how yoga could help with stress relief, and I so badly needed that. My life was one big ball of stress. My family was challenging, work was challenging and I was struggling to keep it together amidst the stress of disappointment every single month.
I, like so many people, was so intimidated to go to a yoga class. My ego had told me I was too fat, not strong enough, not flexible enough, over all not good enough. So I booked a private yoga lesson. It was ok. Just ok. The teacher gave me some basic stretches to help with the tension in my shoulders and hamstrings but I left feeling the same way I walked in. I got in the car and just fell to tears. I was discouraged. I thought that my stress was too big for yoga to help. I drove home barely being able to see through the tears. Next month came, then the next month, then the next month, then the next and still no baby.
It was now the end of April 2013 and the weather was breaking. For whatever reason I was drawn back to yoga. In my mind though, it wasn’t for stress relief. It was because the weather was getting warmer and I wanted to make my body look a little better for the coming months of warm weather. I went back to Awaken Yoga Studio, the same studio that I had taken the private lesson and took a Hatha yoga class. Throughout class I would get very emotional at random times, in random poses. I just brushed it off as insecurity.
The following week I took a Hatha class taught by Jennifer Langsdale and the same thing happened emotions would come up at various times during class. After class I stayed after to ask her what was happening and if it was normal. Jenn kind of chuckled and told me that it was a good thing that I was so in tune with my body. She gave me a basic education about how certain asanas, a.k.a poses, could stimulate energy centers in the body and cause emotions to arise. As the tears were welling up I quickly said thank you and ran out to my car to cry. From that moment on I was hooked. I was becoming a yogini, but still no baby.
In June, Justin and I decided to go and talk to a fertility specialist just to see what he had to say. It had been a year of trying, and I was so ready for this doctor to fix me. We went to the appointment. He assured us that we were young and really hadn’t been trying that long compared to many of his other patients. I know he was trying to comfort me but I did not find comfort in those words. He ordered and internal ultra sound, blood work and a Hysterosalpingogram also called HSG test and sperm analysis for Justin.
The results were back a few days later and the nurse practitioner called to schedule a time when we could come in and discuss a plan moving forward. So we went. She told us that I would be very fertile this month because of the HSG test and my ultrasound and blood work looked great. She went over Justin’s sperm analysis and most of it looked good with the exception of the Morphology which is the percentage of sperm that have a “normal” shape. She assured us that this wouldn’t prevent us from getting pregnant it would just make it a little more difficult. They decided to put me on a fertility drug to create the optimum ovulation scenario so that the environment would be perfect for the sperm. We left scared but optimistic. Then next month came, then the next month, then the next and still no baby.
Late 2013, and we were back in the fertility center with the nurse practitioner’s office cultivating another plan. This time the plan is to switch fertility medications, have me come in day 12 of my cycle for an internal ultrasound to check my ovulation, and then if the time is right, give myself an injection to control the egg and get it to ovulate. Then we would go in for Intrauterine insemination or IUI which is when they insert a catheter and then inject the sperm directly through the cervix.
Sounds so romantic right?
They suggested we do this for up to 4 months assuming I will get pregnant sometime in that time frame. Month one….Month two…Month three…Month four….still no baby.
At this point yoga had become my sanity.
I needed it. My body craved it. It was truly the only way I could have handled all of that without losing it and having some sort of mental breakdown. I had begun to be more open about my struggles. Confiding in friends, clients and family I found that I wasn’t alone. So many of the people in my life began to share their experiences. I began to feel like I had a tribe, that I had support. It didn’t make each month easier but at least I had so many people to talk to that would just send me love and compassion.
My relationship with my husband was beginning to be affected by this stress. Sex was no longer intimacy it was just a means to an end. We knew when we had to do it and we did. There was no romance anymore. It was strictly business. We pulled away from each other for a little while and it took its toll. No one ever talks about this component to the infertility struggle. That is why I am including it. It is important to know that this is a normal yet difficult side effect of going through infertility trouble.
In early 2014 I had inquired about some healing arts at Awaken to help with our infertility struggle. I initially asked about Reiki. The teacher I was talking to said that Reiki was very healing but I should really consider Inner Wisdom Yoga Therapy with Jenn. Jennifer took me on a journey through my chakra system. My third visit was my sacral chakra or Svadhishthana chakra. This is our emotional space, our creative space and our space of fertility and new life. This session was powerful. It was completely closed off. All I saw and felt was black knots. It became emotional when my potential child came up and I could see her. Yes her, but I didn’t know how to call her in. It was spiritual and powerful and emotional.
I continued to do the self-work that was suggested in my sessions and continued my yoga practice. I practiced yoga several times a week. I used crystals and essential oils to help aid in healing my womb. I worked through years of emotional baggage that was not serving me and needed to be let go. I spent time meditating and working with mantras to help me accept what I couldn’t change and move on. I drank herbal tea that was specifically formulated to increase fertility. In this process I learned how to call my baby in. To do that I needed to heal from emotional trauma and learn coping skills to allow me to handle life’s stress. I learned so much about myself in that process. It was an invaluable learning time in my life. I am so grateful to have had it.
After my 4th IUI I was still not pregnant. I went back in to see the doctor. In an emotional appointment, he and I discussed a plan of two more months of IUI and then we would have the discussion about Invitro fertilization or IVF.
I left feeling defeated.
In March 2014 I began my training to become a Inner Wisdom practitioner and had my 6th and final IUI, which the doctor told us was going to be null and void basically because they had missed my ovulation completely.
The training was beyond emotionally taxing. I had to bare my soul to learn how to connect to all of my chakras as well as receiving numerous Inner Wisdom Sessions from my classmates. In my second weekend of classes I was particularly emotional. Jenn was guiding us through a healing energy meditation. She guided us to weave this healing energy through our chakras starting at our root and slowly moving up the body. When I reached my sacral chakra I saw this little gold bindu of light shining in that space. I didn’t really think much of it and dismissed it. I finished up the weekend of classes an emotional wreck crying over everything. Still no baby?
Easter Sunday, I was at the point in my cycle that an early pregnancy test should show results. I had taken so many of them I just expected it would be a no. When I looked down I saw a faint line where the pregnant line should be. I stood there stunned. I couldn’t believe it. Medically it was the least likely time for it to have happened. When the doctor told us we missed the window I just thought this month was a wash.
But it happened! It happened when it wasn’t medically likely. It happened when I was completely immersed in yoga and yoga therapy. I did the work. I opened my womb and I called my baby in. I had no idea I was doing it but I was. I called in my girl. I just knew it was a girl.
Justin and I were ecstatic! We were having a baby!!
I had a beautiful pregnancy and delivery. I have the sweetest baby girl that I could ever imagine. I am on this path to help other women that are having fertility problems and western medicine alone just isn’t enough. This is my calling.
I am on this planet to help women before, during and after pregnancy. I had to go through all of that pain and emotion to prepare me for my purpose and passion. I 100% believe that without yoga I would still be struggling to get pregnant and suffering through more painful medical procedures. Yoga saved me. Yoga enlightened me. Yoga showed me my purpose. Yoga showed me my passion. I am eternally grateful.